Scarecrow113

If you know anything about Greek mythology, you'd know that Zeus' favorite thing was cheating on his wife. The man could not get enough of banging women he wasn't married to. It almost makes you wonder why he married his sister in the first place. The other thing you should know is that being a beautiful woman in ancient Greece was incredibly dangerous! Because Zeus' wife, Hera, was a jealous ho who liked enacting horrible punishments on her husband's mistresses, since she couldn't do anything to stop him from cheating. Io was one of those beautiful women, unfortunately. Some stories even say she was a priestess of Hera, to add salt to the wound. Zeus came to her and seduced her, but before they could actually do anything, Hera showed up. Zeus, not wanting to get caught, transformed Io into a cow. Hera wasn't fooled, and begged Zeus to give the cow to her as a present, because cows were one of her sacred animals. Zeus, having no reason to refuse that wouldn't immediately expose him

(An episode of Fairy Tales In A Hurry) Once upon a time there was a goat. But not just any goat, a working single mom goat with seven kids. Which is also what you call a baby goat, a "kid". Not sure which version of the word came first, don't really care. Anyways, Mama Goat leaves her kids home every day while she goes off to look for food in the forest or go to work at the Business Factory or whatever parents do in fairy tales. And she tells her kids "whatever you do, don't open the door for anyone until I get back, otherwise a wolf will come and eat you!" Harsh but true! One day, a wolf just happens to be lurking in the woods when Mama Goat leaves. And instead of eating her while she's vulnerable, the wolf decides it'd be way more fun to do things the hard way and eat the kids. So the wolf knocks on the door and is like "Open the door, mommy's home!" And the little goats are like "Nuh uh our mom doesn't sound anything like that, you're obviously a wolf trying to eat us." And the

England had just finished a civil war, and the new king was Henry VII. He wanted to secure an alliance with Spain by marrying off the princess of Spain, Catherine of Aragon, to his eldest son Arthur. The king of Spain agreed, except Arthur died shortly after the wedding. Bummer. So Henry VIII, the younger brother and new heir, had to marry Catherine instead. And she didn't mind, because young Henry VIII was an athletic, fit, poetry and hunting enthusiast. The two of them were married for 23 years, but kept having trouble in the bedroom. Catherine had four failed pregnancies, and when she finally did give birth to a living baby, it was a girl. Mary, who would grow up to be the infamous "Bloody Mary", but this isn't about her. Henry wanted a divorce, but England and Spain were both Catholic, so that was an issue. He complained to the pope that it wasn't his fault, Catherine was his brother's widow and the bible said that made her cursed (or something like that), but the pope told him

Hadestown. Supergiant's Hades. Lore Olympus. What do they all have in common? They're all extremely loose retellings of Greek mythology, and they all prominently feature tumblr's favorite goth/prep couple: Persades. Now I could go on about the mysterious backstory behind Demeter, Persephone, Hades and Poseidon and how older versions of this story involve horses and scary women without names, but that's someone else's job! I'm here to tell you how they got together. So Hades was the king of the underworld, and was extremely lonely. And I guess none of the underworld goddesses were good enough for him, because he decides he wants to marry Persephone, daughter of Zeus (god of fucking everything with two legs) and Demeter (goddess of minding her own business). Hades goes to Zeus and is like "hey bro, can I get your blessing to marry my double niece?" And Zeus is like "yeah this sounds like a good idea." So while Persephone is playing alone in Demeter's garden, Hades bursts out of the

Chameleon- Lila once again gets stuck on top of the Eiffle Tower. What a legend. 6/10 Animaestro- This episode hurts my head. Cool villain though. 9/10 Bakerix- Marinette's grandpa has a boomer moment. 7/10 Backwarder- We were cheated out of watching Ladybug and Chat Noir fight nazis. 6/10 Weredad- Furry joke. 7/10 Silencer- His design is awful, tbh. But I like everything else. 8/10 Oni Chan- Does Zag know that "onii-chan" means "big brother" in Japanese? I can't believe Kagami had nothing to say about that. 5/10 Miraculer- Somehow Sabrina is the most effective villain in the whole franchise. 9/10 Oblivio- Fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak ships stronger! 8.5/10 Party Crasher- Wayhem, what's wrong with you? 7/10 Christmaster- This episode aired in June! 5/10 Kwamibuster- Honestly this episode just made me dislike the citizens of Paris even more. 6/10 Feast- Hawk Moth can akumatize sentimonsters??? Why bother with people then??? 6/10 Ikari Gozen- Giant robot

King Minos wanted to secure good favors with Poseidon, and asked what he could do to impress him. Poseidon told him to sacrifice a bull, and created an absolute Chad of a bull out of seafoam, specifically for Minos to sacrifice. Which is kind of like giving somebody money so they can buy something for you, but whatever. Minos, however, thinks this bull is too good for Poseidon, so he keeps it and sacrifices a regular, non-Chad bull. Poseidon, god of earthquakes and the entire fucking ocean, does not like being insulted. So he comes up with the most bizarre punishment possible: He makes Minos' wife, Pasiphae, extremely thirsty for that magic god bull. Pasiphae starts thirsting hard for the magical bull, but it doesn't want to bang her because she isn't a cow. (Somewhere, Zeus feels called out.) So she goes to Daedalus, the smartest man in all of Ancient Greece, and begs him to help her fuck a bull. She literally demands he do it, as his queen, or else she'll have him